


under the stars

by Slice_of_Apple



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Boys Kissing, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Idiots in Love, M/M, Not Canon Compliant, Romance, Sweet, a little bit of nothing really, just fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-14
Updated: 2020-11-14
Packaged: 2021-03-10 06:41:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,137
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27560011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slice_of_Apple/pseuds/Slice_of_Apple
Summary: i can't write this summary. Boys bickering. Boys in love. Death hovering (always). something like that. fluff.
Relationships: Jean Kirstein/Eren Yeager
Comments: 8
Kudos: 120





	under the stars

“Why the hell are you here?”

“You missed dinner.”

“So?” asks Eren, a puzzled expression on his face.

“So I brought you something to eat, asshole.”

Jean miraculously produces a flask, a bowl and a spoon from somewhere on his person. He pours the steaming, fragrant stew into the bowl.

It smells delicious.

“Thanks,” says Eren grudgingly.

Jean nods but doesn’t say anything. He sits quietly next to Eren while Eren efficiently downs the contents of the bowl.

As soon as he’s done, Jean neatly packs everything away. Before Eren can give him a proper thank you, he’s gone.

\--

“Shit! Don’t sneak up on me like that! Stop acting like you’re a bloody MP.”

“If I was an MP, you’d be dead now, Horseface.”

“Shut up! I knew it was you.” It’s true. Jean recognized the sound of that particular tread, even though it was trying to be soft and quiet. “What are you doing h-h-here, anyway?” He clamps his mouth shut to stop his teeth from chattering. Eren sighs. Idiot. Jean never wears enough warm clothes when he’s on watch.

He throws the cloak at Jean’s chest, and Jean catches it with a fist. It’s one of the thick, wool ones, extra-long, that goes all the way to Jean’s knees.

“Why don’t you dress properly for watch?” Eren grumbles.

Jean mumbles something indistinct. He wraps the thick material around him, sinking into it. He is immediately warmer.

“How much longer do you have?” Eren asks.

“Until dawn,” answers Jean.

“Have fun,” cackles Eren.

“Fuck you,” says Jean, but his heart isn’t in it. He’s too wonderfully warm now.

\--

“Here.” Jean holds out the book.

“What is it?” Eren asks, perplexed. Steam is rising out of his chest, his stomach, both his legs. He was torn up properly today. He’ll be in the infirmary for at least a few days.

“It’s a book, you moron.”

Eren is still confused.

Does Jean really have to spell it out for him? Apparently, he does.

“To read, dingbat. So you don’t get bored. While you’re healing.”

“Oh,” says Eren. His face relaxes into a small smile. It’s a rare thing in the Scout Regiment, to find a book. This one is a story of some sort, with a colorful picture on the cover. Jean must have hunted far and wide for it. “Thanks, man.”

Jean mutters a gruff “You’re welcome.” He waits until Eren falls asleep, the book clutched in his hand. When he leaves, he closes the door quietly behind himself.

\--

“Fuck! You scared me. Why are you even up?” Eren’s voice is sharp in the stillness.

“Why are _you_ up?” retorts Jean.

“Couldn’t sleep,” Eren says, shrugging.

“Me neither.”

“It’s going to be a tough one next week,” says Eren.

“I know. Want to climb up on the roof? I go up there, sometimes. It helps take my mind off… things,” says Jean.

Eren thinks for a minute, then nods.

They scramble nimbly up the drain and onto the low roof. It’s a wonderfully clear night, with a thin slice of moon. The stars wink up above them.

They lie flat on the roof, hands behind their heads.

“It’s nice up here,” says Eren.

“Mmm,” agrees Jean. “Do you ever wonder if there are other worlds out there?”

“You mean, among the stars?” Eren says.

“Yeah,” breathes Jean. Eren can tell that it’s something Jean’s thought about. A lot.

“Not really,” he admits, feeling like he is confessing to something lacking in himself by doing so. “It doesn’t really matter if there are, though, does it?”

“Of course it matters.”

“Why?”

“Because it’s a cool idea. And also because there could be worlds without titans in them.”

Eren thinks for a bit.

“That wouldn’t change the fact that there are titans here in our world. That they need to be destroyed.”

“I know that, you ass. I just wonder what it might be like out there, far away. In space.” Jean’s voice has taken on a dreamy quality.

Eren looks at him sharply. His face is oddly shadowed, his eyes black caverns. Eren shivers slightly. He feels like Jean is spinning away from him, out into the velvety darkness. All of the sudden, he wants to yank Jean back into this world, the world with Eren in it.

He shifts, plunking his head firmly onto Jean’s abdomen.

“Ow! What was that for?”

“Sorry,” he says unapologetically. “This roof is hard. And you have such a nice, soft stomach.”

“My stomach isn’t soft!”

“It’s the perfect pillow,” Eren says, settling in.

“You dick,” grumbles Jean. But he doesn’t push Eren's head off.

They stay like that for some time, staring up into the heavens, until they are both ready to sleep.

\--

“What were you thinking, you idiot?” Jean’s voice is icy, his face drawn in furious lines. He pushes Eren, hard.

Eren, missing his left arm and part of a foot, stumbles back against the wall. For a moment it looks as though he will topple over, and Jean shoots out a hand to catch him.

“Leave me the fuck alone,” Eren says tiredly.

“I won’t leave you alone. You could have died. You’re not invulnerable, you stupid bastard!”

“You think I don’t know that?” says Eren, his voice picking up heat.

“Yeah. I think you don’t know that. Or you don’t care. I’m not sure which is worse. You can’t just throw all caution to the wind, ignoring the plan, ignoring _orders_ -“

“They ate them!” hisses Eren, his voice ragged. “They fucking ate half of Captain Zoe’s squad! You expect me to do nothing?”

“I expect you to fucking follow orders. Like everyone else does. You think you’re too important to follow orders? I hate to break it to you, Jaeger, but you’re a cog in the wheel, just like the rest of us.”

“I – I never said I was too important.” Eren’s voice is weaker now.

“Well, you’re not.” His hands trembling unaccountably, Jean places Eren’s remaining arm around his shoulder, gently wrapping his own arm around Eren’s waist. He mumbles something under his breath that Eren can’t hear as they walk slowly to the infirmary.

\--

It was another bad day. Steam is rising from most of Eren’s right side: big chunks are missing from his right leg, his right arm; a thin stream marks where his right ear used to be. 

Jean stares down at Eren, lying on the infirmary cot. Jean would yell at him again if he thought it would do any good, but he knows it won’t. Anyway, Eren’s eyes are closed, and he seems to be asleep. He needs rest more than anything.

Jean sighs heavily. He feels heavy all over. Especially his heart. It’s a stone in his chest. A great, big boulder, like the one Eren moved to block the wall. He honestly doesn’t know how much more of this he can take. But he thought that last time, too. And then he took it again. Because he had to. What choice does he have, really?

While he’s standing, thinking these grim thoughts, Eren reaches out, groping for him.

“Stay,” Eren says, his voice rough. His eyes are open now, trained on Jean’s face. Dark in the dim light. Unreadable. He can’t hold his hand up for long, though, and it drops back onto the cot.

“What?” asks Jean.

“I want you to stay,” says Eren. He tilts his head so that it is now in the glow of lamplight.

“Why?” asks Jean.

Eren stares at him, his eyes burning.

“You know why,” he finally says, in that same raspy voice.

Jean blushes and looks away. “There’s no room for me.”

“There is,” says Eren.

“No there isn’t. I don’t want to disturb you. You need to rest.”

“Jean, would you cut the crap? I don’t want to be alone tonight.” Eren’s voice is still hoarse, but also small now. Weak. Pathetic-sounding.

He holds his arm out to Jean again, shaking with the effort. He’s clearly exhausted.

Jean, his own fingers trembling, reaches out and takes it.

Very slowly, he moves to the bed and climbs gingerly in. He curls up awkwardly around Eren. He doesn’t know why he is breathing fast, why his heart is pounding.

Eren lifts Jean’s hand to his mouth. He lightly kisses Jean’s fingers, one by one. Jean’s breath quickens even further. His fingers prickle where Eren kissed them.

Eren lets Jean’s hand fall. Jean carefully opens his fist, splaying his fingers across Eren’s chest. He can feel Eren’s heart beating in double time, furiously pumping life back into him.

He leans in and gently nuzzles Eren’s remaining ear. “I don’t want you to die,” he says, his voice just as weak and pathetic as Eren’s was earlier.

There is a long silence.

“I know,” Eren finally says. “I don’t want you to die, either.”

Jean doesn’t know how to respond. In all likelihood, he _will_ die soon. A grisly death at the hands of the titans. All it will take is one wrong move, one unlucky set of circumstances, and he’ll be gone. Very few Scouts live to middle age. Few live to their mid-20s. For Eren, it will probably take a little longer, but his prospects aren’t that rosy, either. Especially with all the risks he takes.

Eren turns his head so they are face to face. His eyes are glowing embers.

“And I don’t want to die without ever having kissed you,” he whispers, his breath warm on Jean’s face.

Jean stares at him. His heart feels like it will hammer its way out of his chest.

Then he can’t help but grin. If Eren can put aside the fear, the anger, the strain of the constant danger, the pain he must be in, then Jean can jolly well do it too. 

He leans in quickly, pressing his lips to Eren’s. It’s a fast, simple kiss, rather on the dry side. But he did it.

“Done!” he says brightly, trying to calm his stupidly thumping heart.

Eren’s eyes are shining and his cheeks are red under the titan marks, but he shakes his head and says, “No way. If this is the one time I get to kiss you, it better be a fucking good one.”

“That _was_ a good kiss,” says Jean, offended. “What was wrong with it?”’

“Are you kidding? That was like you kissing a relative. Like kissing your Aunt Ines.”

“I don’t have an Aunt Ines,” mutters Jean angrily. “And if I did, I wouldn’t kiss her like that.”

“It was feeble,” Eren pronounces scornfully.

“It was _not_ feeble, you shithead,' Jean protests. "And maybe you haven’t noticed, but you’re severely injured!”

“So?” says Eren. “If it doesn’t bother me, it shouldn’t bother you.”

“I doubt you can do any better,” Jean mutters sulkily, dropping his gaze.

“Oh, really?” says Eren. And even without seeing his face, Jean knows that he has a familiar glint in his eye. Challenge accepted.

With his one hand, he grabs Jean’s shoulder, pulling Jean on top of him. His face spasms briefly in pain.

He moves his hand to the back of Jean’s neck and yanks him down forcefully. As soon as Jean’s lips are on his, he’s kissing him – fast, hard kisses. Then, as Jean gasps, he flicks his tongue into Jean’s mouth.

When Jean pulls up, they are both breathing heavily, and Jean’s eyes are wide with shock.

“Admit it. That was much better,” Eren pants, a self-satisfied smirk on his face.

“Yeah, if you like being eaten alive.” But it’s a weak retort. It _was_ much better. Jean knows it, and he knows that Eren knows that he knows it.

Jean’s not giving up that easily, though. He braces himself to go back in, rapidly thinking of how he can improve upon the kiss – maybe sucking on Eren’s lip? – when Eren’s body slackens, his arm falling to the side, his eyes shuttering.

Did Eren just go to sleep? He can't have!

“You cheater!” Jean cries out. “You’re pretending to sleep so I don’t get another turn!”

Eren lets out a small breath, and his lips tip up ever so slightly. But his eyes don’t open, and he remains limp.

Jean rolls back onto his side. “Wait until you wake up. Then you’ll see. I can kiss way better than you can.”

There is a long silence, and Jean thinks Eren has indeed drifted off when he hears a faint, “Promise?”

Jean laughs. He wonders absently why he feels so light-hearted, where the boulder in his chest went.

“Yeah, I promise, you knucklehead.” He leans in and kisses Eren’s cheek, the titan marks rough under his lips. “Be prepared to be blown away. Now shut up so I can sleep. Some of us worked hard today and need to rest.”


End file.
